A RETREAT FROM SHAME

A step back from everything is just what I needed in my life. The feeling of being lost in the world, surrounded by people. All kinds of people. Suffocating under the pressures of figuring out who’s my kind of person brought on some struggles, troublesome memories, and a bit of trauma one can say. But I just continued to live my hot mess life, creating and thriving through chaos. I tried everything. Partaking in hobbies more frequently, learning new ones, practicing spirituality, trusting people one by one. In my attempts at opening myself up to the world and being vulnerable for a chance at finding peace and happiness, all I discovered was pain. My soul would scream from the inside saying, “run away, escape, find an opportunity and leave.” So that’s what I did, rather, I returned. They say if you are going to live a journey, live it like a fool. Be foolish and live it moment by moment. So, I decided to travel and go pay a visit to my home country.

Being there gave me such peace of mind. Walking down roads where I grew up, meeting my family and friends gave me a sense of being in touch with my roots. It replenished the flow of blood through my veins, blessing me with a new perspective on things and how to deal with them. To accept things, live with them and give rise to change. It made me realize how far I have actually come. I make no apologies for the decisions I make as I choose to live by them. But that doesn’t mean that the vulnerability of making these decisions wouldn’t bring me shame. Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, innovation, and change. However, these benefits do not exclude vulnerability from being susceptible to shame, making shame one of those necessary icky feelings we need to get comfortable with talking about. Shame can give rise to two distinct attitudes: the phase of never feeling good enough and the phase of questioning the motive behind actions.

One may say shame is equivalent to feeling guilt, but things aren’t so simple. Shame and guilt are two different things. Guilt is a persistent feeling that you have done something wrong, constant anxiety and worry. Whereas shame is correlated with addiction, depression, violence, bullying, suicide, and eating disorders. It is uncomfortable to experience shame, but it is also adaptive. Shame is an epidemic in our culture, making it a crucial concern to understand how it affects us. There is an antidote for shame and how to deal with it.

Empathy is the antidote of shame. We should be empathetic towards others, but we can’t do that without being empathetic to our own self. So be a fool, don’t be afraid to continue this journey of life and find yourself. As scary as it may sound, vulnerability is a path to finding yourself. It doesn’t make you weak, rather it makes you much stronger. Be a little gentle, compassionate, empathetic, loving, and caring to yourself, so that you can continue to embrace your journey with joy and pleasure.