SELF ~ LOVE

Sitting on my couch at the moment, listening to the sound of rain and “Male Fantasy” by Billie Eilish being played in the background, while I sip on my tea, it makes me realize what “SELF LOVE” means. I started to write this blog on self-love 2 months ago but never got to finish and post it. Maybe it was the lack of clarity on what Self Love is or the fact that I started to practice it and got lost somewhere in between there.

Often we are exposed to the perfect dreamy version of self-love through these self-love depicting textbooks, series, movies, and videos. Although, it does not depict the true version of self-love. Why don’t we question it? While thinking about it, I can think of so many questions. Does self-love mean being okay with just being alone? Is it the solution to everything? Will it fill the void inside me? How do I even begin to practice it?

Self-love is putting yourself in high regard and self-esteem. We all might have heard this before, “how could you fall in love with someone else until you love yourself?”.

And that is true. It took me a while to find an understanding of this statement. Love is a feeling. It is not a person or place that you will find somewhere, rather it is a feeling and/or emotion you encounter. And if you don’t know how it feels to be in love, how would you identify it yourself until you have experienced the feeling of falling in love with yourself.

Self-love is initiated when we try to find that inner child in ourselves that got lost in the chaos of this world. It develops by getting to know ourselves and developing self-compassion and gratitude. Self-love can be imminent. It was only two months ago when I encountered the love I was lacking for myself. During the stormy winter season, we had a nice warm sunny day. I took myself out on a date and went to try a new café in the city. I was nervous. The idea of just hanging out by myself, thoughts in my head stating what would other people think of me, would I even have fun, what if I get bored? All this clustered in my brain. But then I got dressed, took a chance by believing in myself, and went to the cafe. I loved every moment at the café, enjoyed the ambiance, the excitement of meeting new people, and cherishing a nice caffeinated espresso martini. As a result of it, I walked out of the place wanting to have a second date by myself. It all started with showing a little bit of compassion to myself, appreciating myself for doing little things, showing gratitude, and expressing it for the people around me. I felt so much lighter, and better.

The two evil siblings of self-love are judgment and comparing. We often tend to compare ourselves to others. This self-judgment and comparison begin from our insecurities. Insecurities are similar to our inner demons, they will exist but you need to learn how to live with them and not let them affect you. Practicing self-reflection and trying to build unconditional self-esteem can help to face these insecurities. And as far as you might be concerned about others judging you, most of the time it is all in your head. People often don’t judge you as often as you may think. It is referred to as the spotlight effect. When we walk into a room full of people, each of us assumes that we are in the spotlight. We overestimate thinking that everyone is looking at us, talking about us, and noticing us. This results in an egocentric bias. We often tend to misconceive how much attention others are paying noticing us. Practically, most of the time, neither one of us pays full attention to noticing other people objectify us.

However, the journey of self-love never ends, comparatively, it keeps going on as you keep discovering those bits and pieces which serve as food for your soul. Being in love with yourself is not like a fairy tale as depicted in all those movies and series. You are allowed to have a love-hate relationship with yourself and be okay with the imperfections. I still have those days when I feel low, not good about certain things but at the same time, I accept it and tend to balance my positive and negative thoughts. Most of us get on this path of self-love with the assumption of reaching an endpoint or ending up falling in love with someone else. Well, the truth is that self-love has no endpoint, and the only reward you get out of it is being okay with yourself and loving your soul just the way you would expect someone else to love you.

Be the best version of yourself. If you can show compassion and care for others when they need it, why are you hiding it to show that compassion for yourself? Apart from that, self-love does not only means being graceful toward yourself. Rather it also involves giving the best version of yourself to others. When we meet a stranger or someone new, we often tend to show them the best version of ourselves. We are sweet, welcoming, and excited to be with this new person. We bring our best version to them. But are we bringing that best version to ourselves, to our friends, to our family, to our partner? If not, that changes the whole idea of loving yourself and others. If you are going to deliver the best version of yourself to strangers or the new people you meet, then you’d better offer that best version to your loved ones.

A big part of practicing self-love is journaling. It helps a lot in capturing your day, dealing with your thoughts, and self-reflecting. Speak and treat yourself as you would treat a friend. Be proud of your accomplishments whether it is small or big. Listen to the needs of your body. You don’t have to be productive every day. If you are having a lazy day, and your body needs rest, then embrace it. try to hang out by yourself more, discover new hobbies, and explore what are the things you like and dislike. Face your flaws and fears and accept them. If it makes you feel vulnerable, there is nothing wrong with it. Vulnerability should be your strength and not your weakness. I feel like there are endless ways to practice self-love. At the end of the day, what matters is you and what makes you happy.